I've decided to take a break from social media for a while, for my own sanity. I haven't deleted anything because I need Facebook active to log into Spotify, and I'm not on my computer much except to blog, so it's as simple as deleted apps for the time being. I don't know how long I'll go, but the people who truly want to get ahold of me know my number or hey, there's even here. I'm sure some will assume I'm ignoring them, but oh well. I just need to step away from the obsessive scrolling and borderline stalking that I tend to do with social media when I'm hurt. It doesn't do me any good.
So, the past few days! Dad and my youngest sister arrived, and we didn't get too much done. We drove to Lyman Orchard in the pursuit of stocking up on syrup, but it turns out they're closed during the winter (very much to my dismay!). We drove around some more while in Middlefield, and Mom mentioned Powder Ridge, so we wandered around there for a little while, asked about prices, and decided to return the next morning. We had dinner at the Athenian Diner, which is really quite good (I hadn't had spanakopita in a long time, so that made me happy -- lactose intolerance be damned!); drove to Essex to wander down the main streets, see out the historic homes, and check out the Griswold Inn and obnoxiously wandered around while people were having dinner; and then drove by the steam train and riverboat, but by then it had been dark for so long that I couldn't even see my beloved locomotive (I hadn't been since I was a kid!), and the entire place was already closed. Dad insisted on stopping by Cabela's because there aren't any here in Memphis and he's obsessed (plus they were bought out by Bass Pro and my little sister works for them, so she gets discounts).
Friday morning we got a late start, but we went back to Powder Ridge Ski Resort to try out snowboarding for the first time! Now, I figured it would be pretty simple, considering that I skateboard (on occasion), but I had not considered the fact that the board is super slick, my feet are both strapped in, and snow is even slicker. Needless to say, I fell a lot even on the bunny slope. But me being me -- that is to say, stubborn as hell -- I grew tired of the baby hill quickly and wanted to go on the mountain. Granted, it was the beginner's slope, but still, it's the side of a mountain. And I greatly underestimated the speed wobble; I couldn't imagine my lack of balance had I not already known how to correct myself. My poor sister was not so fortunate and was still dumb enough to follow me once before going back with the kids taking lessons. Hah!
When I say I fell, I mean I fell a lot. I'm bruised all over, and thank god for that helmet, because I smacked my head a couple of times on the last trip down. I hurt to move the next morning, but I had a blast! I'd love to do it again, especially now that I have a better appreciation for the whole thing. My dad kept making jokes that he wished he had gone out with us to show us "how it's done" (he said this as he nearly pulled his back walking back to the car, by the way), because clearly he's the master of all board sports since he surfed while stationed in San Diego. Okay.
We went back to the apartment to change out of our soaking wet clothes (we clearly had not anticipated snow sports and were not properly dressed), and then tried Lamothe's Sugar House in Burlington, because damn it, I wanted my maple sugar candy! It had been years since I'd had any, and I wasn't going home without trying again. We'd never been there before, but Mom's cousins suggested it, and it's significantly smaller than Lyman, but the cutest little shop. We ended up getting the biggest package of candy (made in house), a box of maple cream cookies (a more commercial brand, but again I hadn't had them in years and they're not sold at home), and a huge gallon jug of amber syrup. My entire family are snobs when it comes to syrup; none of us will eat that fake, corn syrup garbage sold at stores or used in most restaurants. We're those people who carry our own with us if we're going out for breakfast. Mom's family used to own property in Vermont until quite recently, when there was death in the family and then the land was sold, and though it's the best, we also get it from local Connecticut suppliers. Dad's family also used to send us some from Wisconsin and Canada, which I'm sure was great from him, but it's not New England maple syrup. Wow, I'm so pretentious haha. I am a foodie, after all. Years of love/hate relationships with food has made me picky and stickler for the real shit, and experiencing flavor as much as possible. Plus, just fuck corn syrup entirely! Who really likes that garbage?
We ran back by the funeral home to pick up Grandpa's ashes, drove around some more with him in the car, and then had dinner at a cousin's house. That was a meal! We had the most amazing peach salsa (the perfect balance of sweet and spicy) and tortilla chips, and for dinner they'd prepared vegetables, mashed potatoes, cinnamon apple sauce, and giant ribs (they were so sweet about me being vegetarian and went out of their way to find me some white bean chili burgers, and they were really good! I'm a fan of black bean, but I'll have to find these myself). They also grow blueberries and freeze them, but when they lost power earlier this winter, they made most of them into pies so they wouldn't go to waste, and they served us one of the blueberry pies and some maple walnut ice cream and good lord was I so uncomfortably full that my head was screaming at me to act out, but it was just so delicious and I hadn't really eaten all day, so I let it just rest.
Saturday morning we got up early and packed everything we could literally fit into the van, and more going to Goodwill in the Explorer, then went to get lunch at Friendly's before heading out around 1:30pm Eastern time. Riding with Dad means driving straight through, and he does all of the driving, so eventually I'd done as much reading as I could handle without getting motion sick, no one was responding to my texts anymore, and my phone kept dying from playing too much music, so I fell asleep and woke up around 6am Central time in Nashville. The majority of the ride was rainy, and all of Pennsylvania and the Virginias were thick fog and nearly impossible to see ahead of us, so pretty early on we had to stop to replace the wipers and clean the windows. I worry about leaving Mom up there alone, because even with me there she didn't have a whole lot of motivation to do much: family or myself had to remind her to eat, and she wasn't sleeping well. I know the full weight of everything hasn't quite hit her, and she keeps wanting to call her father to ask him questions, and then remembers that she can't do that anymore. It just goes to show that no matter how old you are, you'll still always want and need your parents. She's lived away from family since long before I was born, but she talks to them regularly. I'm just really dreading when it comes time for me to seriously consider going through this with her and Dad. It terrifies me.
I had planned on doing more thorough reviews of the two books I completed while away, but I may save that for tomorrow. Since we got home yesterday morning, we all napped for a couple more hours, my cat came and curled up in bed with me for a few more, and then I rearranged all of my color, tools, and products to make them all more accessible in my closet for when I do hair at home or need to pack things to go to clients. It's so much more efficient. I just need to box up all of the books I had to move to make room! I have a huge container of books still in the garage from moving. I may have a problem. I may have to resign to using my Kindle solely from now on simply because I'll need a full personal library to ever be able to unpack, and that's after downsizing! I love books so much. Anyway, I cleaned and organized quite a bit, but didn't get to the bathroom yet (which is next on my list after posting this and calling Mom), went with a friend to a meeting, caught up with a lot of people I hadn't seen in months (seeing my best friend's former sponsor brought up a lot, and it was his home group, so it wasn't the easiest thing to get through, but so refreshing to talk about it to people who know us both), went to a second meeting down the street with a different friend, and then went out to Perkins for more fellowship. It was 2am before I got dropped off! I hadn't stayed out that late in a long time and my contacts felt like they were fused to my eyes after sleeping in them on the car ride. I don't think I fell asleep until close to 4 this morning, tossed and turned the whole time, and was wide awake by 6. That's what I get for drinking coffee before a 10pm meeting, but oh well. I slept more than usual by napping yesterday, and I feel pretty good this morning. I thoroughly enjoyed all of the intimate conversations I had last night, talked to my sponsor first thing before getting out of bed, and did more than my usual meditation this morning so I'm feeling really good. One of the things my mom got me for Christmas is this journal that says "I'm Kind of Awesome" in bold, capital letters across the front, and the idea is that you write why your'e awesome everyday! It's so goofy, but it reminds me of the daily affirmations I had to do in treatment, and when I'm feeling good, I feel better about myself, which makes everything I do feel so great. I'm also super nervous about court today at noon, so I figured reminding myself of why I'm doing all of this was a good idea. Sometimes it's hard. It's been hard the past few weeks -- the past year, really. It's been an emotional roller coaster. I've been the happiest I've ever been and also the lowest in the past twelve months. But really, thank god for it all, because I'm where I am today and that's a miracle.
So, the past few days! Dad and my youngest sister arrived, and we didn't get too much done. We drove to Lyman Orchard in the pursuit of stocking up on syrup, but it turns out they're closed during the winter (very much to my dismay!). We drove around some more while in Middlefield, and Mom mentioned Powder Ridge, so we wandered around there for a little while, asked about prices, and decided to return the next morning. We had dinner at the Athenian Diner, which is really quite good (I hadn't had spanakopita in a long time, so that made me happy -- lactose intolerance be damned!); drove to Essex to wander down the main streets, see out the historic homes, and check out the Griswold Inn and obnoxiously wandered around while people were having dinner; and then drove by the steam train and riverboat, but by then it had been dark for so long that I couldn't even see my beloved locomotive (I hadn't been since I was a kid!), and the entire place was already closed. Dad insisted on stopping by Cabela's because there aren't any here in Memphis and he's obsessed (plus they were bought out by Bass Pro and my little sister works for them, so she gets discounts).
Friday morning we got a late start, but we went back to Powder Ridge Ski Resort to try out snowboarding for the first time! Now, I figured it would be pretty simple, considering that I skateboard (on occasion), but I had not considered the fact that the board is super slick, my feet are both strapped in, and snow is even slicker. Needless to say, I fell a lot even on the bunny slope. But me being me -- that is to say, stubborn as hell -- I grew tired of the baby hill quickly and wanted to go on the mountain. Granted, it was the beginner's slope, but still, it's the side of a mountain. And I greatly underestimated the speed wobble; I couldn't imagine my lack of balance had I not already known how to correct myself. My poor sister was not so fortunate and was still dumb enough to follow me once before going back with the kids taking lessons. Hah!
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| I felt like I was about to land on the moon in those boots! |
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| I only pretend I know what the hell I'm doing. |
We went back to the apartment to change out of our soaking wet clothes (we clearly had not anticipated snow sports and were not properly dressed), and then tried Lamothe's Sugar House in Burlington, because damn it, I wanted my maple sugar candy! It had been years since I'd had any, and I wasn't going home without trying again. We'd never been there before, but Mom's cousins suggested it, and it's significantly smaller than Lyman, but the cutest little shop. We ended up getting the biggest package of candy (made in house), a box of maple cream cookies (a more commercial brand, but again I hadn't had them in years and they're not sold at home), and a huge gallon jug of amber syrup. My entire family are snobs when it comes to syrup; none of us will eat that fake, corn syrup garbage sold at stores or used in most restaurants. We're those people who carry our own with us if we're going out for breakfast. Mom's family used to own property in Vermont until quite recently, when there was death in the family and then the land was sold, and though it's the best, we also get it from local Connecticut suppliers. Dad's family also used to send us some from Wisconsin and Canada, which I'm sure was great from him, but it's not New England maple syrup. Wow, I'm so pretentious haha. I am a foodie, after all. Years of love/hate relationships with food has made me picky and stickler for the real shit, and experiencing flavor as much as possible. Plus, just fuck corn syrup entirely! Who really likes that garbage?
We ran back by the funeral home to pick up Grandpa's ashes, drove around some more with him in the car, and then had dinner at a cousin's house. That was a meal! We had the most amazing peach salsa (the perfect balance of sweet and spicy) and tortilla chips, and for dinner they'd prepared vegetables, mashed potatoes, cinnamon apple sauce, and giant ribs (they were so sweet about me being vegetarian and went out of their way to find me some white bean chili burgers, and they were really good! I'm a fan of black bean, but I'll have to find these myself). They also grow blueberries and freeze them, but when they lost power earlier this winter, they made most of them into pies so they wouldn't go to waste, and they served us one of the blueberry pies and some maple walnut ice cream and good lord was I so uncomfortably full that my head was screaming at me to act out, but it was just so delicious and I hadn't really eaten all day, so I let it just rest.
Saturday morning we got up early and packed everything we could literally fit into the van, and more going to Goodwill in the Explorer, then went to get lunch at Friendly's before heading out around 1:30pm Eastern time. Riding with Dad means driving straight through, and he does all of the driving, so eventually I'd done as much reading as I could handle without getting motion sick, no one was responding to my texts anymore, and my phone kept dying from playing too much music, so I fell asleep and woke up around 6am Central time in Nashville. The majority of the ride was rainy, and all of Pennsylvania and the Virginias were thick fog and nearly impossible to see ahead of us, so pretty early on we had to stop to replace the wipers and clean the windows. I worry about leaving Mom up there alone, because even with me there she didn't have a whole lot of motivation to do much: family or myself had to remind her to eat, and she wasn't sleeping well. I know the full weight of everything hasn't quite hit her, and she keeps wanting to call her father to ask him questions, and then remembers that she can't do that anymore. It just goes to show that no matter how old you are, you'll still always want and need your parents. She's lived away from family since long before I was born, but she talks to them regularly. I'm just really dreading when it comes time for me to seriously consider going through this with her and Dad. It terrifies me.
I had planned on doing more thorough reviews of the two books I completed while away, but I may save that for tomorrow. Since we got home yesterday morning, we all napped for a couple more hours, my cat came and curled up in bed with me for a few more, and then I rearranged all of my color, tools, and products to make them all more accessible in my closet for when I do hair at home or need to pack things to go to clients. It's so much more efficient. I just need to box up all of the books I had to move to make room! I have a huge container of books still in the garage from moving. I may have a problem. I may have to resign to using my Kindle solely from now on simply because I'll need a full personal library to ever be able to unpack, and that's after downsizing! I love books so much. Anyway, I cleaned and organized quite a bit, but didn't get to the bathroom yet (which is next on my list after posting this and calling Mom), went with a friend to a meeting, caught up with a lot of people I hadn't seen in months (seeing my best friend's former sponsor brought up a lot, and it was his home group, so it wasn't the easiest thing to get through, but so refreshing to talk about it to people who know us both), went to a second meeting down the street with a different friend, and then went out to Perkins for more fellowship. It was 2am before I got dropped off! I hadn't stayed out that late in a long time and my contacts felt like they were fused to my eyes after sleeping in them on the car ride. I don't think I fell asleep until close to 4 this morning, tossed and turned the whole time, and was wide awake by 6. That's what I get for drinking coffee before a 10pm meeting, but oh well. I slept more than usual by napping yesterday, and I feel pretty good this morning. I thoroughly enjoyed all of the intimate conversations I had last night, talked to my sponsor first thing before getting out of bed, and did more than my usual meditation this morning so I'm feeling really good. One of the things my mom got me for Christmas is this journal that says "I'm Kind of Awesome" in bold, capital letters across the front, and the idea is that you write why your'e awesome everyday! It's so goofy, but it reminds me of the daily affirmations I had to do in treatment, and when I'm feeling good, I feel better about myself, which makes everything I do feel so great. I'm also super nervous about court today at noon, so I figured reminding myself of why I'm doing all of this was a good idea. Sometimes it's hard. It's been hard the past few weeks -- the past year, really. It's been an emotional roller coaster. I've been the happiest I've ever been and also the lowest in the past twelve months. But really, thank god for it all, because I'm where I am today and that's a miracle.
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